This collection of bandits, crooks and thugs once joined forces to steal every piece of valuable material available on the open seas. Their biggest asset might be the use of gunpowder, a powerful tool in the right hands. At least if you don’t count contempt for every opponent out there as an asset. Their dream, a black skull flag on every rooftop, is within their grasp.

MURDEROUS MARY

One for the money, two for the show. Three for shooting a hole the size of an orange through all that’s in range. Everything about her just feels wrong: the fake smile, the redundant gloves and those evil eyes. Probably stole that coat from her own mother too.

THE ANCHORMAN

Was thrown overboard a pirate ship due to insubordination. He swam back up, grabbed the anchor, crippled half of the crew on deck and threatened to hurt the captain. Safe to say: they hired him back on.

BARRY

Delivering packages from building to building is its objective. It’s what you might call a ‘booming’ business. He never missed a single drop-off. Advice: do not open with a sharp object.

CAPTAIN OCTAVIUS

One hell of a long-range shooting duo. The squid zeroes in on the target and the gunman fires. Should you encounter this duo, do the same as you would with a bear: don’t move and pray you don’t die.

COCO

Flutters around shooting his splash damage cannon like there’s no tomorrow. “But how does he load the cannon”, you ask? His motto: never skip tail day in the gym.

CRABBY

Uses its effective claws to mine ore from the most impenetrable places. Turns out he actually found that needle in the haystack we were all looking for. This minister of treasury is a vital link in the pirate dynasty’s cash flow.

CANNONBALL

Formerly used as a kiosk to get all your fresh, piratey news. Now occupied by six dedicated loaders who fire at will. Please don’t step in range unless you really want to be in tomorrow’s Pirate Times. The obituary section, that is.